Jennifer, how does a child view death and heaven?
Have you ever sat down and spoke with your child about Heaven? Do you know how your child views people who have died or where heaven is? I spoke with several four and five year olds and was informed that heaven is a place where their favorite toys and animals are. I was also informed that you can only get to heaven by flying with your wings to the clouds above. What a imaginative perspective on such a wonderful place. Heaven means many things to many people. It is a place of peace. It is a place of safety and an eternal home. The point is does you child understand that heaven is permanent and that the loved one is not coming back. Children might ask where is grandpa? And where does he live? They could ask a number of questions related to death and the loss. Be patient in answering them, they might just need to know that you are not going anywhere. You are the parents and the security of the child. They need to know that their security is not going anywhere.
How do I answer a child who wants the definition of death?
You could respond to the child in one of several ways. For some children, the best answer may be "It's when you go to Heaven and live with Jesus."
Or you could tell them that you leave this place and live somewhere else. Or you could discuss what caused the person to die. If they understand what the cause of death is, it might make it easier for the child to understand. If the person died from cancer, kids might be better able to understand if they knew what cancer was and how it attacks the body. The right answer will vary based upon the child's age and mental capacity.
Should I be worried if my child cries when we talk about grandpa? Or is that okay?
It's perfectly natural for your child to show emotions. In fact, I urge you to share your emotions with your child, both happy and sad. Children need to grieve. However, if your child continues to grieve for too long, there may be a problem.
So how long is "too long" for a child to grieve?
It really depends on he child. Parents should use their best judgment here. But if any child has NO signs of healing like smiling and talking about positive things that happened with grandpa, you should seek professional counseling help.
What should I do if my child still talks to Grandpa and believes that he is still here?
Pretending to have conversations is common in young children. So it's probably to be expected in an imaginative child, especially if they spent much time with their Grandfather. Ask what the conversation was about. If it was just small talk and happy times, let it go.
Thanks, Jennifer. I know your book will be a helpful tool for many parents.
As a professional counselor and mother of two small children, I really believe that Love, Grandpa will be an important tool for parents when faced with this tough subject.
